| Summary: | 碩士 === 佛光大學 === 生命與宗教學系 === 102 === This thesis is self- narrative inquiry which starting point is about my pain and trapped emotions while I was the low-grade teacher of Elementary School for six years. It made me to question the identity as a teacher. In order to find out the answer, I am writing the story to explore self-life.
To explore the deep inside of myself, it appears that I have a very strong survival anxiety which made me to choose run away while facing the frustration, and quickly made conclusion is because "I am not good enough". After being an Elementary School teacher, I keep on transferring from small school to bigger one, from teaching to administration, and finally leave without pay to study. Fortunately, the Graduate School class provides me the dialogue conditions to open the visual frame of the social, it enable me to have the view of the Society gradually, and then recognize the existence of institutional system. Therefore, I am willing to face the true self, and re-understand the impact on myself about family, school education, the growth class of finding my way out and religious experience in my past life journey. It let me know more about that how do I form the question of myself and then get the different view and the survival strategy under the institutional system.
After reviewing back, I realize that due to lacking of dialogues and collisions with other people since I was afraid of "I am not good enough " , letting myself imprison in the world of my own fear and imagination so that I couldn’t have any change and growth. Owing to the dialogues and supports from many partners besides me, it helps me pull out from the inner frame to let me has the different view of points. There are many by-word recordings transcript in this thesis in order to showing my fears, struggles, and how my partners talk with me, thereby to generate reflects and pondering on teaching and understand the political of teaching, and then recognize my own finitude, deconstruction "good teacher" picture in my mind, and decided to return to the first line of teaching, as the position of the low Grade teacher to learn again, and continued collaborative efforts with community for loosening institutional system.
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